Word on the Street by Kevin Carty
Happy New Years!
I trust you had a safe and happy New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. Like most folks older than 40, mine was quiet and involved sleep. Although I actually did stay up until midnight PST and am still paying for that mistake. I find the older I get the more sleep I need, but that might also have to do with having seven year old twins.
But, I digress . . . There are some things that never change year after year with the whole “New Year’s” thing. The absurd amount of weight loss ads that hit TV and radio starting on New Year’s Eve and run for the next two weeks incessantly. The same thing for “Quitting Smoking.” And the one I love the most is the insane number of people who suddenly turn into “runners” on January 1.
In my neighborhood alone, I saw six people (the same six from last year) running on New Year’s Day. By about the 10th of January, I notice that I haven’t seen them for a couple of days.
I am all about resolutions and changes for the better, especially when it comes to health and family. But why such a focus on New Years? I mean I get it, a new year . . . a new you and all that. But REALLY? After the 4th or 5th year of failing, I would suggest choosing a different date. Start on June 8. It seems like a good day, and think of how much LESS pressure there is on June 8 to make a life change.
I digress once more . . . I always enjoy reading the lists of the most failed New Year’s Resolutions. Call me a sadist. But here are some that are most likely to fail.
1. Lose Weight — Historically, this one was a challenge for me, but I found a better date. Super Bowl Sunday was my date. After I gorged myself two years ago on melted Velveeta Con Queso at a Super Bowl Sunday party, I along with 12 others started a weight loss competition the next day. One that still exists. We have all lost weight and are doing well.
2. Save More Money — Really. Right after Christmas your plan is to save more money? The real challenge for most of us is to pay off the credit cards from all the Christmas shopping. This one is doomed to fail.
3. Be Happier and Stress Less — Well, if you’re going to attempt 1 and 2 with any passion, then this one is sure to fail. Besides, why wait until Jan 1st to decide to adjust your life so that you can be happier and stress less?
4. Quit Drinking — For some of us, this is less a resolution than a necessity. You can’t achieve the first three without #4. 🙂 In all seriousness, I am leaving this one alone.
5. Fall in Love — Sweet thought, but in the end, this requires another person. You are at best 50% in control of this one ever happening. Might I suggest that if you are determined enough to achieve 3 out of previous 4 on this list, then your odds on this one increase a great deal
6. Spend More Time with Family — Again, why do we feel like January 1 is the kickoff day for this one? Shouldn’t this just be a given? But again, if your uncle resembles Cousin Eddie from the Vacation movies, I can see why this might pose a challenge.
Here are some funny ones (which I hope none apply to you):
- I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.
- I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water.
- I will assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing.
- I resolve to work with neglected children — my own.
- I will read the manual… just as soon as I can find it.
- When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, “LOL… LOL!”
- I will not say, “it was the dog,” when I fart. I reserve the right to change this if I get a dog.
- I will find out why the correspondence course I purchased on “Mail Fraud” never arrived.
- I will start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
- I will always wear clean underwear, “just in case.”
- I will eat more nice things like candy, Big Macs, popcorn and ice cream. Eat less crap like fresh fruit, vegetables, and soy nuts.
- I will spend less money on buying useless stuff like this new DVD Rewinder from QVC.
- I will never again take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- I will stop saying, “Ooh, that feels nice” whenever the security guys frisk me at airports.
Anyway, I hope you had great Holiday Season and I truly look forward to working together in 2014.
Be well and have a great weekend.