On a New York City subway, a spitter (“one who expectorates”) can be fined $100 and sentenced to up to one year in jail. In California the fine for spitting is $2000.
But in Portland, Oregon, one is not fined for spitting. In the PDX, one is celebrated.
On July 23, Classic Exhibits held its Annual Watermelon Seed Spittin’ Contest delayed by one year because of, well, you know.
Ripe, Seeded Watermelons
As any watermelon aficionado can attest, there is no sweeter or juicier melon than a ripe, thumpy, seeded watermelon. Just saying those words makes most mouths drench in anticipation of that first burst of summery sweet goodness. What is summer without a fresh juicy watermelon? I’ll tell you what it is… It’s Fall! Fehhh!
After Classic provided a yummy meal of barbecued steaks and grilled chicken (THANX, Chef-Boy-R-Kev), it was time.
With full bellies and a wedge of beautifully sweet and seeded watermelon slices clenched between their fingers, our competitors brought their toes to the line and began launching serious bursts of saliva-enrobed seeds.
The rules are simple. Each spitter gets two seeds/two spits. The spitter cannot cross the launch line until after the seed has left his/her body. And lastly, to be a valid spit, the seed must finish its travels on the Official Watermelon Seed Spittin’ Tarmac. If both spits land off the Tarmac, that spitter is DQ’d (disqualified). With the Tarmac being a mere 60” wide a spitter must show his/her prowess in both distance AND accuracy.
If you can make a taco with your tongue, cool. It kind of acts like a channel so when you spit with your tongue rolled it cannons out with a wet and forceful SPITOOEY!
Mel White was given the honor of launching the inaugural spit for Spit-a-Palooza 2021 and what a spit it was. He made Marketeers the world over proud.
By the time the spittin’ was over, records had been shattered.
2021 WATERMELON SEED SPITTIN’ MEDALISTS
- Women’s Gold…………..Jen LaBruzza – 23’-9”
- Women’s Silver…………Lindsey Carty – 19’-7”
- Women’s Bronze……….Paras Semenov – 12’-11”
- Men’s Gold…………………James Sharpe – 24’-4”
- Men’s Silver……………….Shawn Ellis – 22’-1/4”
- Men’s Bronze……………..James Zuber – 19’-5 ¾”
These Champions are the best Classic has. With the pressure bearing down they launched their seeds with a velocity and accuracy seldom seen around Portland. Quite simply… they are our best. At least for another year.