The Wall Street Journal reports investors showed little interest in the Flabby Daddy IPO, which tanked during its launch yesterday.
Kevin Carty, who will be returning to Classic Exhibits effective today, said, “I think investors were put-off by the 27 times I said ‘moobs’ during the press conference.”
Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey, Goodbye!
Dear Distributor Family,
It has been my great pleasure to work with you all these years. But like all good things, my tenure at Classic is ending. Why? Simple really. COVID stress put 25 lbs. on my body, and in a recent effort to shed the unwanted weight, I started doing 6-minute abs. Sadly, it failed miserably, so I thought, “Why not embrace this Dad Bod of mine?”
I’ve created my own clothing line called “Flabby Daddy.” Flabby Daddy Clothing comes in both denim and khaki colors, and is designed to accentuate the Dad Bod — moobs and all. Plus, Flabby Daddy announces the return of corduroy shorts and the mesh half-shirt (with your favorite college logo). The mesh half shirt and corduroy shorts (order two sizes too small please) were created to show off the full Dunlop waistline acquired through years of pre- and post-meal snacking.
BTW — I have forgotten you all already…so don’t ask for money. Peace Out!
–Kevin Carty
_______________________________
“Angry protests over the changing of Design Monday to Design Friday has forced Classic to reconsider its decision. “We don’t want anyone to get hurt,” said Mel White. “Effective immediately, we’re reverting back to Design Monday and urge protesters to release the exhibit designers they’re holding hostage.”
The Real Reason Will Smith Slapped Chris Rock
Several months ago, Classic Exhibits hired Forrester-Yates, a national research firm to analyze our email marketing. Their comprehensive research included trade show industry trends, social media results, and conversations with Classic Exhibits Distributors.
According to Forrester-Yates, 87% of Americans have a negative opinion of Monday vs. a 73% positive attitude about Friday. In addition, they determined that 81% of exhibit industry employees are hungover, high, or severely depressed on Monday mornings. Sadly, Fridays are not much better.
Based on their recommendations, Design Monday will become Design Friday. You will receive it at noon on Thursday to maximize opens… and generally confuse you. Design Friday will include clickbait titles like:
- I Can’t Believe This Happened to Me… OMG!
- 24 Reasons Why Chicken Fingers are Healthy
- Kim Kardashian Said WHAT about Kanye!
- 3 Colognes Designed to Make You Smarter
- The Dark History of the Magic 8 Ball Revealed
Should you have any concerns, contact Forrester-Yates. We’ll be at a bar drinking.
_______________________________
An explosion and ensuing fire at a convention center in the Midwest, reminiscent of the Hindenburg airship disaster in 1937, has prompted Classic Rental Solutions to put the brakes on plans to switch to inflatable displays. Bystanders who saw the large island exhibit burn were heard to say, “Oh the Humanity!” Fortunately, no one was injured.
We’re Blowing Up the Rental Display Industry
We all love balloons. The bigger the better. Well, Classic Rental Solutions has embraced this concept by switching to inflatable exhibits.
For nearly four years, we’ve been developing the perfect instant trade show booth technology. It hasn’t been easy and the technical challenges have been enormous, but we’ve persevered through pops, leaks, and an occasional explosion. What prompted this switch? As you may recall, about 10 years ago, a competitor introduced inflatable displays via a live video feed. We were gob smacked. Our first thought was, “We’re toast. Who wouldn’t want an inflatable display? How can anyone compete with this?”
We didn’t have the resources to develop our version at the time… but now through the generosity of a billionaire investor with an interest in all things electric, we’re ready to “blow things up in the exhibition industry.” Every tabletop, inline, and island from CRS will now be an inflatable display with no compromises. Need shelves? No problem. Backlighting? Sure. Monitor mounts? Of course. Locking storage? We’ve got you covered!
We’re not quite ready to share renderings. Be patient… they’ll hit your inbox soon. Just keep checking (and checking).
BTW – We’d love to hear your suggestions for a product name. We considered “Wind… something” but that seemed silly. Send your suggestions to Jim Shelman.
_______________________________
Sadly, Display U Las Vegas has closed. The FBI reports that Jen LaBruzza has disappeared along with the tuition money. There’s speculation that she fled to the Isle of Man, which lacks an extradition treaty with the United States. In a note left behind, Jen said she’ll be in touch with friends and family once the money runs out.
The FIRST Practical Trade Show Degree: Display U Las Vegas!
Courses will be taught by Professor Jen LaBruzza. Required courses include:
Classic Exhibits is launching a one-of-a-kind degree program — “You Know You Work in Trade Shows When…”
- How to flip the middle finger to the Trade Show Man by “carrying- in” your entire booth.
- How to furnish your home with abandoned IKEA furniture and TVs.
- Creams vs. Powders? What’s the best option for chafing and rashes on the show floor in Orlando.
- When to beg vs. bribe to get your freight delivered.
- How to construct a replacement exhibit with nothing more than PVC pipe, carpet tape, Velcro and zip ties.
This TS-BS degree program will cost a cool $1,000,000 because drayage is now $10,000/CWT and lord knows someone’s gotta pay for it. Might as well be the exhibitors… I mean students. Please reach out to Professor Jen for details on this ONCE in a LIFETIME educational opportunity.
_______________________________
In a last-minute shift, A-List actors are currently under consideration for the television series The Floor. They include Sam Elliot, Brad Pitt, Queen Latifah, and every actor from Reno 911.
Harold Mintz and Dave Brown are both shocked and insulted as they had been promised their big break. Stay tuned as this re-casting unfolds.
Is Hollywood Stardom for YOU?
Ten years ago, I (Harold) was working in Los Angeles with Tom, one of Hollywood’s most successful movie directors. Tom, who had directed multiple blockbuster comedies, asked me if I had any good ideas for a television series. I told him that the trade show business would make a great backdrop since most people have attended a convention. Tom agreed and asked me to write the first few episodes because of my knowledge of the industry.
The next day, I contacted industry icon Dave Brown and asked if he wanted to work on it with me. He said, “Sure!” and even gave the project its working title — The Floor.
Universal Studios green lit the project, and we penned the first three episodes. The responses were though the roof, but in Hollywood, nothing is real until someone yells, “Action!” Unfortunately, Universal chose other “more timely” projects and The Floor was shelved.
Until last week! The studio contacted Tom at Shady Acres Entertainment and requested 8 episodes ASAP.
Are you ready for stardom? Got any acting experience? You won’t need a union card since this is only the first season. If interested, please contact me at your earliest convenience with your reel (if you’ve got one) and contact info. Please send to TheFloorShow@classicexhibits.com.
See You at the 2023 Emmys!
_______________________________
ECO-1121 Backlit Exhibit | April’s Lightning Deal!
Hands Down! At $14,499, the ECO-1121 is an amazing deal! We’ve cut the price dramatically so don’t pass on this offer. Your client may want to take two, perhaps even three.
Supplies are limited (52 in stock). Custom crates will be marked with your logo (per your request).
FREE Shipping, Flooring, and OLEG Monitor to select Distributors. Click to see if your name is on the list.
No shoes. No shirt. No service. NO JOKERS!